I’d been going through some things recently. Just a bunch of my shittastic emotional baggage unexpectedly spilling its contents across the floor that is my life.
Last week in particular I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. The emotional mess that surrounded me was causing me to lose focus and slowly driving me insane as I turned it inside out and back again, over-analyzing it.
When I couldn’t figure it out, I tried to fight it.
I got pissed off at it and blamed everyone else’s actions for it. I blamed my past and the men who had hurt me. I blamed my present and the people who were currently causing me grief.
But the truth was it was me who created the mess in the first place…
By falling into the habit of letting the fate of my happiness rest in the hands of other people — that’s not their freaking job!
By believing I was too fucked up from everything that has happened to me to ever be “good enough” and that there were parts of me that were less than amazing.
By continually making excuses for men who have been careless with my feelings and have mistreated me.
After I cried myself a river of tears last week and grieved the loss of several recent hopes and dreams that never came to be, I vowed to clean up my baggage, kick it to the curb and take my power back.
And I’d like to think I did a damn good job doing just that this week.
I’ve felt better this week than I have in quite awhile and I know that is because I have not been sitting around waiting for some guy to email or an opportunity to come knocking.
I haven’t been staying at home isolating myself, and most importantly I haven’t been so god damn hard on myself.
Someone knocked on my door today. And when I opened it I found out that a woman holding these was on the other side:
The person who sent these never could’ve imagined how much their unexpected arrival would mean to me. This person just wanted to make me smile, but these flowers did so much more.
I literally teared up as I accepted them from the delivery woman because I NEXT TO NEVER get flowers or surprises.
Receiving these flowers reminded me that I’m good enough; in fact, I’m more than good enough – I’m AMAZING.
They reminded how much I love the woman I’ve become, because she is the truest version of me I have ever been.
They reminded me to stop chasing something more when my here and now is pretty fucking awesome.
Maybe you didn’t get a vase of flowers delivered to you today to remind you how fanfuckingtastic you are, and that’s why I’m writing this post.
Because you are. Never forget it.
In addition to remembering how kickass I am, I also realized how much saying thank you means after someone took the time to say it to me in an email on Monday.
Making someone feel appreciated goes an extremely long way, and it’s something I hope to do everyday from now on, so here’s today’s:
To the man that sent me those amazeballs flowers: “Thank you.”
To the person who is currently reading this blog post: “Thank you.”
To all the men who have set me free (albeit in mostly asshole ways) so I could become the woman I am proud to be today: “Thank you.”
Now go tell someone “Thank you” even if you’re staring in the mirror saying it to yourself!
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