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Jul
17

And That’s Why I’d Kick Ashley Madison In The Vagina

Life is short. Have an affair.

At first I thought I read the tag line wrong, until I realized I didn’t.

If you’re married and DO NOT want to get divorced but are interested in having an affair, then we want you to understand that You are NOT alone!

There are thousands of married people in your city that feel the same way that you do.

This is why you need to join the Ashley Madison Dating Agency that was created for married people that want to have an affair without getting caught.

That’s how the email began that landed in my SPAM folder on Sunday afternoon; an email that made me want to find Ashley Asshole Madison and kick her repeatedly in the vagina.

After you have an affair you will feel ALIVE and HAPPY once again…You’ll feel like you did when you were single and dating new people…You just need that spark again in your life that only someone new can give you.

What kind of world do we live in where there is an actual dating site that encourages and facilitates affairs?

Listen, we understand that you’re worried about getting caught and possibly getting divorced, but if you join today you’ll see how easy it is to stay married and enjoy multiple affairs with many people.

And not just one affair but MULTIPLE affairs.

I can’t even begin to explain how disheartening learning of Ashley Madison was. As a woman who has been cheated on in every one of her serious relationships my heart ached as I read all of the above.

It brought back a lot of bad memories. Like that time I finally had proof that my son’s father had been sleeping with another woman in my bed. Or that one time I got engaged and my fiance broke off our engagement.

I understand sometimes people grow apart, but I’ve never been able to comprehend how a man can repeatedly cheat on his partner and still live with himself. My philosophy is if you’re not happy in a relationship then leave. A relationship built on lies is not relationship and certainly not the kind of relationship I want to waste my time in.

I know women and men out there who can come up with a million excuses as to why they can’t leave and that being unfaithful is a better option. They deserve a kick in the vagina/mangina too.

Whatever happened to the kind of love that involves honesty and trust? Does it even exist anymore?

I’ve never been married (Yes I am 33-years-old and have never been married. I’m also fabulous.), but I hope to bacon that if I ever take that walk down the aisle, my husband never takes the advice of Ashley Madison to seek out an affair through an online dating site to feel alive and happy.

I deserve more. In fact we all deserve more.

And that’s why I’d kick Ashley Madison in the vagina.

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8 comments

  1. Rachel says:

    I shall join you in kicking her in the vagina! I was married for 11 years until a 25 year old party girl got in the way. Don’t get me wrong–my ex is a total douche but I talked to her several times and asked her to back off. But hey, life is short so have an affair!

  2. Rachel says:

    BTW, do you ever get over hating the other woman? How does one do that? I am okay if I just push it all out of my mind but I don’t think that counts as getting over it.

  3. Mely says:

    You will get over it. Initially I always blamed the other women. Then I realized if it wasn’t them it would’ve been some other woman because the real person to blame was the man who strayed.

    And eventually, and I promise you this, you will find happiness and love your life so much that you’ll no longer hate either of them for the affair.

    In fact, you’ll probably thank them because if you were still in your old life you probably wouldn’t be so happy or blissfully independent.

    It takes time, bullshit and a whole lot of soul searching, but eventually you’ll get over it :) XO

  4. Nicole says:

    Amen. A good hard kick. I wonder if there’s any legal liability in divorce cases for this woman…probably not. People who get into affairs are selfish. They want the marriage (for whatever reasons: stability, home-cooked meals, social acceptance, etc.) and extra attention/sex/excitement. They are too cowardly to respectfully call it quits before starting another relationship.

  5. Rachel says:

    My ex just wanted me to take care of the kids so he could f*uck his lady.

  6. Amanda Jillian says:

    As someone that is in a poly relationship, I still find Ashley Madison distasteful. I’m all about honesty. Being lied to is disgusting and hurtful.

  7. Emmerson says:

    Have enough respect to break up with someone if you want to fuck someone else that badly. Disgusting behavior

  8. Charlotte says:

    It blows my mind that she has been able to conduct a legitimate business hooking up married people. I was in a marriage for 4 years where I was cheated on a ridiculous amount of times. It causes nothing but unnecessary heartache and pain. To have someone actually facilitating this type of behavior sickens me.

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