And That’s Why I’ll Probably Never Be On A Dating Show


Some of you might recall a post I did on this blog titled “The Woman I’ve Become” in which I described a trip I took to New York City back in March to attend a casting interview for a reality dating show I’d applied for.

That day in NYC was an emotional one for me, for many reasons. For starters it took a ridiculous amount of courage for me to even apply to be on said dating show. When they called me to tell me I’d been picked for a casting interview I contemplated whether going and possibly being cast was really the best situation to get myself into. Putting myself out there through my words on this blog is one thing, but putting myself out there on national television for millions of people to judge my every quirk and move is quite another. Not to mention being picked could’ve meant leaving my son for a few weeks during the taping.

Yet I went for it because something told me to.

During my interview that day I was more open than I had been with most people in years. I allowed myself to be vulnerable because I wanted these people to see the real me. I told them my story from beginning to end, and in doing so I faced a lot of memories that I would’ve rather forgot.

Though I could not be happier at where I am now, I’ve been honest with you all that it wasn’t an easy journey to get here.

Reliving some of my darkest moments as a single mother with their two casting associates that day left me in tears. Some of those tears where sad ones, but some were also happy; brought on by the realization of how far I have come and how lucky I am to be living the amazingly charmed life that I am today.

Without those dark moments I would have never seen the light.

When I left the interview that day I was 100% OK with the notion that I might not get picked. They’d said that they were in the final stages of narrowing down their choices, so when days went by and weeks went by without hearing from them I came to terms with the fact that I was not what they’d been looking for.

While it would’ve been nice to hear from them either way, I knew that was not how big production companies and television work. My shot was one in a million and much like the chances I take when I play the lottery I’d lost.

Then Friday night I received an email. It was from a casting associate of the same dating show, only this casting associate wasn’t contacting me to discuss my previous application or whether or not they had picked me…


Dear Melysa:

My name is ______ and I’m a casting associate located in Los Angeles working on a new show for ___. I recently came across your blog “Sex, Lies & Bacon” and maybe you could be of some help.

We are currently searching for women between the ages of 25-40 who are single mothers and fathers who are in a place where they are ready to begin dating and find love again.

We are reaching out to different support groups and blogs that may have a large community and we are wondering you happen to know anyone who would be interested in applying? If not, would you be able to spread the word about our casting?

Or if you would be interested in applying?

To say I was hurt doesn’t even being to describe how I felt as I read those words. How could they forget me?

I’d invested my time back in February filling out their 20 page application BY HAND, creating the casting video they’d asked for, AND had an hour long IN PERSON interview in March, which was recorded for presentation to their producers, during which I shed actual tears and put myself out there for strangers in a way I had never done before, only to have them not only never contact me again to let me know whether or not I was chosen, but to FORGET ABOUT ME COMPLETELY?

My first instinct Friday night was to reply with a nasty email telling them exactly where they could go fuck themselves, but I had work to do and wine in me and decided to sleep on it and figure out what I would do the next day.

Of course then I forgot about the email because real life took over and I was busy hosting a workshop for bloggers…

But then I was reminded when I RECEIVED A SECOND EMAIL PITCH TO APPLY at 1:00 PM the next day, from a completely different casting associate.

Hi Melysa,

My name is _________. I’m a casting assistant with the production company _________. We are currently casting for a new documentary series ….. I was given your information from _______ and was told that you would be a great candidate for the show…

Granted this particular person was given my info from someone I knew who had no clue I’d applied for and jumped through hoops for the show previously, I was still filled with disappointment and rage as I read the words.

Not one of the fucking people at this company could be bothered to remember my name, my blog’s name, my fabulous breasts or the tears I’d cried during my casting interview?

No they couldn’t because that’s real life and that’s how television works.

To them I’m a nobody. Thank bacon I’m confident enough to know that I’m somebody.

It was at this point that I could not contain my disgust any longer so I sent them a reply, because the truth is if I received one more email from that television company asking me to apply for their show after I already went through the entire process weeks before, I was going to find a way to fly to LA and tell each and every one of them that worked there to kiss my ass in person.

And here’s what I said…

Hi _______,
I actually applied for, made a casting video, went for an interview in NYC with a casting producer and then never heard from you people again.

Frankly the fact that I received an email yesterday from ______ and now another email from you and none of the people at your company even remembers me after I poured my heart out and invested my time applying an interviewing with them before hurts and infuriates me.

I no longer have any interest in being on your show and am not interested in promoting it to people on my blog.

Please remove me from your contact list and ensure anyone else from your company knows I no longer want to be contacted as well.

Melysa Schmitt

I know I could’ve ignored it, but the truth is that’s not who I am and I wanted them to know I deserved more than being forgotten. Or at the very least for them to take measures to be more organized to avoid pissing off and/or hurting future applicants.

The whole situation taught me a valuable lesson about rejection and the all too often insincerity of what goes on behind the scenes in the world of media.

I did receive a short apology email today from one of their casting associates, and while it could in no way make up for what happened and was probably only to save face, it satisfied me.

While it didn’t work out the way I’d hoped, I still have no regrets about applying for the show. In reality I think it was another part of my story as a single woman, meant to help me move forward with my life.

Before I applied I’d been stuck when it came to seriously opening myself up to the possibility of falling in love again in the real world, but when I was faced with the opportunity to date on television it forced me to deal with my fears and work through them. Not to mention taking the risk and finding the courage within myself to apply and then interview gave me the last bit of extra confidence that I needed to become the woman I am as I type this.

I know I’ll be rejected and forgotten a hundred more times in my life and that having a thick skin is key, but I also know that in order to stay true to myself there are times when I’ll need to speak my mind and call people out publicly on their stupidity.

That’s just Mely.

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  2. Dating Mr. Douchetastic
  3. Look Who’s Happy Now


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  1. Stacy says:

    And after all, you DID write about them in your blog…. :-)

  2. John Dougherty says:

    Hey Mely®…it really shocks me and sucks how they didn’t even remember you, but I think it is great how you can see the big picture, and how you have grown stronger through all that you went through. We all go through difficult experiences, and we can go two ways afterwards. We can feel sorry for ourselves, and never recover…or we can learn and grow from what happened. Of course, many times we can’t help but go through a lot of the first, but as long as we get past it, and then grow…that is the important thing.
    I have seen how you have grown following you on Twitter, and reading your blogs…and I am so happy for you. You may not realize it, but you are truly inspiring, and no doubt, you have inspired many others, in addition to me!! I have gone through some terrible times, including losing my Mom when I was 17, having a marriage fail due to immaturity (on both of us), suffering through 9 long years alone, and then, the cruelest cut of all…(cont’d on next comment)

  3. John Dougherty says:

    So anyway…my second marriage ended when I learned
    my wife was cheating on me…with a woman. I also learned that she was an alcoholic (not an everyday drinker, but a binge drinker), and this all hit me out of the blue!! This was five years ago…and it was so devastating that I lost 30 lbs in a month.
    The good news is that I recovered. With the help of counselors, friends I met in Al-Anon, and a lot of hard work…I learned who I am. It feels good knowing who I am, and what I want. I really just wanted to tell you that, and to thank you for being you…and for making me smile and laugh. Thanks so much…John

  4. Mely says:

    Dear John,

    No this is not THAT kind of “Dear John” letter…

    Thank you SO much for your comments above. It touches me deeply to know that you can relate to me and that I somehow make a difference in your life through my tweets, posts and humor.

    I am so sorry to hear that you have had to deal with so much, but it truly sounds like all of those unfortunate events made you happier and stronger in the end.

    That’s the point I am at too.

    So many people dwell on the bad because it is much easier sometimes to do. And that’s ok. But it is those of us who eventually decide to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and find our happiness that survive and live to inspire others to do the same.

    I truly believe that is what I am meant to do.

    So glad you’re a survivor and that I am too!


  1. Yet Another Reason For Me To Love Diet Coke, And My Life » Sex, Lies & Bacon says:

    [...] I just felt lonely and off, which was probably triggered by being somewhat rejected by that dating show I applied for back in March and being blown-off by someone I care for Sunday night. Tuesday I got my period which was probably [...]

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