I’ve wanted to write about this for weeks, but knew I couldn’t until the ink was dry and my son was safe.
Today is bittersweet.
Today my ex FINALLY signed papers to put our new visitation, holiday and vacation schedule into place.
Today marks the end of my six month long custody battle – a battle that truly changed me.
The whole process taught me a lot about myself and helped me grow into a woman and mother I am 100% proud of. That is the greatest gift I got out of this whole ordeal, knowing and now BELIEVING I’m a great mom. My ex had me convinced I wasn’t with his comments over the years – and especially during the last six months – but I know now what I’m made of.
I don’t think anyone will ever be able to take that away from me.
For a few weeks I looked back at everything that transpired not fully understanding the awesome it took for me to get through this and win the fight. It kind of felt like I stumbled the whole way as I was going through it. It was six months of ups and downs, of always having to be on guard because I never knew what my ex might try to twist and turn into something he could use against me in Court.
But the truth is I didn’t just stumble through this. I was a fucking warrior. I never gave up or gave in to my ex’s ridiculous demands. I faced my biggest fear and I survived because I was stronger than I’d ever been.
While it wasn’t always pretty, I pride myself in doing most of this with grace. I never let my ill feelings for my ex cloud my judgment and always kept my son’s best interests at the forefront of my mind.
I’m proud of myself for taking the high road and doing what was fair – even when my ex and his lawyer did everything they could to try to take me down, but today I’m also sad that this will be my last full weekend with my son.
So you see, it’s bittersweet -the realization of who I’ve become, but also of what I have to let go.
I know the change might be a little hard for Aidan and I in the beginning, but in the grande scheme of things it was a much better alternative to what would’ve been if I did not stand up for us.
With my fear behind me and my next journey ahead of me, it feels like a fresh start. I can’t wait to see where this one takes me.