A few months ago, for reasons I can’t explain, I found myself attracted to a man I barely knew. While our brief conversations were limited to work related emails that involved zero flirtation, I had this suspicion that he might be attracted to me too.
What I thought of him was based solely on things he’d written online. After all, that was all I had to go on.
As a blogger, his often sarcastic posts on dating and relationships entertained me on more than one occasion. As a web developer, I was in awe of his knowledge. As a person, his sense of humor and obvious quick wit immediately grabbed my attention.
He wasn’t anything like the men I usually found myself attracted to. He seemed to be a nice guy rather than an emotionally unavailable bad boy. I got the feeling he was a bit socially awkward, but in the best possible way.
All seems great, right?
But the catch was he wasn’t available since he had a girlfriend.
He also lived across the country.
I felt a bit foolish about my slight infatuation since he’d never even flirted with me and I knew he was off limits, but my mind still fantasized about what it might be like to someday meet him penis to vagina.
I didn’t tell anyone about my crush on him. I knew it was pointless so I pushed it to the back of my mind and went on about my usual flirtatious business.
When news broke recently that he was suddenly single, I found myself pining for him. Though I felt bad about his breakup, I was also a little happy about it because it made me feel less guilty for wanting him months before.
I know that sounds horrible to say, but it’s the truth.
At some point I ended up telling my boss about my crush on him. Turned out she’d always thought we’d hit it off, but didn’t say anything about it since she knew he had a girlfriend.
Her words and his newly single status felt like a sign from the Universe to act on the attraction I’d been harboring for him.
So when the opportunity presented itself during one of our work related emails I finally did.
That one, simple little flirt has since blossomed into something I can’t really explain.
It’s both lusty and sweet, which may prove to be a lethal combination.
We have alcohol infused Skype dates since distance prevents us from having actual dates, but even over Skype the chemistry between us is undeniable.
I’ve joked with him that my Skype dates with him have been better than any real dates I’ve had in years… but it’s true.
Chemistry is such a crazy thing, isn’t it?
Whatever’s happening between us isn’t serious and there’s no pressure. We don’t talk everyday, but when we do I get those silly little butterflies.
It’s nice to know I’m still capable of feeling butterflies because for awhile I was questioning it.
We both know the odds are against it turning into anything real; we live on opposite sides of the country and have different commitments.
Frankly I don’t even know if either of us want it to turn into anything real.
And if I’m being even more honest I don’t think I have time to commit to making a serious long-distance relationship work with everything else I’m juggling.
But we both agree that fate and chemistry are forces you just can’t deny and should never fuck with.
Much like shit, chemistry happens…and we’re choosing to roll with it.