I often wonder, “Why not me?”
I witness people in love each and every day. They’ve settled down. They lean on each other and have found a way to make the pieces fit.
Yesterday a picture popped up on my Facebook timeline of a woman who had just gotten engaged. She was showing off her ring with a smile so big I couldn’t help but smile back at her, even if there was a part of me that was envious.
A few minutes after my smile wore off I asked myself the same old question, “Why not me?”
Why haven’t I ever fallen in love with a man that fits?
Why am I still out here looking for love and getting my heart broken every time I think I’ve found it?
Am I less worthy of love than the people who have it?
HELL TO THE NO!
If you’re sitting here asking yourself the same questions, STOP.
You are worthy, but timing is everything.
In the moments that I get jealous I have to remind myself it’s just not my time yet.
This occurred to me recently as I was racking my brain trying to figure out why I continuously choose the wrong type of men. I’m forever drawn to the emotionally unavailable and broken, and for the longest time I thought it was because there was something wrong with me – but now I know that’s not so.
The Universe has bigger plans for me before my forever love can come my way.
Every so often I question what the hell it is I’m doing with my life. Some days I wonder why I’m spreading myself so thin trying to juggle it all as a single mom and so I get it in my head that I should just find happiness in settling down already – even if my instincts tell me I’m meant for more.
I go through periods where I convince myself that my unwavering happiness lies in finding love NOW and settling down – but if I’m really being true to myself I know that’s not the case.
I know I’m not meant to settle down yet. I’ve still got work to do.
You might be saying, “Well what if a guy came along that could love you AND help you fulfill your destiny?”
Well shit, that would be pretty fucking great – but because I give so much of myself when I love someone, I don’t think it would be possible for me to be in a relationship and still reach my life’s purpose.
If I met someone amazing that actually loved me back I would inevitably begin to make them my world, and slowly but surely my drive to fulfill my destiny would fade because I would convince myself that they were my destiny instead.
It’s because of this that when I become impatient and try to force love into my life, it doesn’t work.
And while I get angry about the failed relationships, throw pity-parties and swear off ever trying to love again each time my heart gets broken – the Universe rolls its eyes at me and shakes its head, because it doesn’t understand why I can’t see it’s protecting me from settling and leading an unfulfilled life.
Right now I’m pretty fucking proud of the fact that the Universe chose my destiny to be more than just finding the love of my life and living happily ever after.
I was born to do something amazing before settling down.
And if you’re anything like me, you were too.