It was a long road to get here.
In the beginning it was paved with fear, depression and doubt.
I could not comprehend how a co-dependent woman like me was ever going to make it without a man in her life, let alone design the life of her dreams.
Ironically July 1st, the same day the lease on my new apartment officially begins, will mark three years exactly since I moved out of the old apartment my ex and I shared and back into the home I grew up in with my mother and stepfather.
I can remember how depressed I felt that 4th of July, while everyone else celebrated their independence around me in the backyard.
My independence had just been taken from me.
My wounds were still painfully fresh from the devastation of my separation and I was completely lost.
I don’t think anyone looking at me back then would’ve seen the woman I am today behind my hazel eyes, yet she was there beneath all the self loathing and doubt.
There were moments during the last three years that it felt as if time was standing still no matter how quickly I tried to move. There were weeks and months I’d climb what felt like mountains, struggling to find myself and reach my goals, just to make it to the top and get pushed back down to the bottom again.
I’d get angry and frustrated and pissed the fuck off. I’d have pity parties and wallow and cry. But luckily I’ve made some amazing friends along my single mom journey who’ve each kicked me in the ass in their own special way when I needed them to the most.
I can look back now and see the whole picture, and understand why it felt like it took me an eternity to get here. Because it did. But the circles I walked in and the setbacks I had were all lessons I still needed to learn.
Had this apartment come any sooner I would not have been ready.
I still wasn’t healed and whole, but I am now. I’m finally ready to step out of my cage, spread my wings and fly.
I’m finally free.