It’s been over a week since I’ve posted. My silence hasn’t been intentional; it just sort of happened as I’ve found myself enjoying the benefits of living in the moment during the holidays.
I abandoned my old Christmas Eve traditions this year for an adventure in New York City. When I hopped on the bus mid-morning I had a little anxiety about not being with my family to celebrate in our normal fashion, but I realized it was important for me shake things up this year in order to avoid getting depressed.
I knew spending Christmas Eve alone as a single mom could potentially be dangerous. Luckily one of my amazing friends stepped up to the plate and organized a dinner party in my honor to get me out of my apartment.
It was a fabulous time with lots of delicious food, drinks and laughs. Ironically, everyone else in attendance was Jewish. One of the highlights of the evening was when we played a game of round robin where everyone had to sing a few lines from a Christmas carol they knew. I was insanely impressed by their knowledge of Christmas tunes.
Definitely a memory for the books.
Christmas Day was spent at my apartment. It was weird to wake up without my son, but it was also nice to ease into Christmas instead of getting thrown into it at the crack of dawn like I usually am. Once Aidan got home late afternoon, my Christmas really began. I hosted a laid back Christmas dinner for my Mom, Stepfather & Dad.
Another memory for the books.
As I sit here typing away on New Year’s Eve, there’s an attractive man napping on my couch. I picked him up from the airport Saturday and he’ll be here for a few more days. It’s the first time I’ve let a guy into my world for an extended period of time. I’ll admit I was nervous to have him here for more than a night, but I have to say he has fit in perfectly and things are just super easy with him.
Kind of feels like he’s been here all along.
Last night he made me dinner and this morning he made me breakfast — both of these things were firsts for me since there has never been a man other than my father to cook me anything. He wrecked my otherwise organized kitchen, complete with spilling shit everywhere, and I immediately swooped in to do the cleanup without snark or annoyance, as if we were already a team.
It’s been a really long time since I’ve been part of a team and it felt awesome.
Another first – he met my son. In the 3+ years since my separation I have never introduced my son to any of the men in my life. I originally didn’t have any plans to introduce this man either, but fate stepped in and pretty much left me without a choice.
As I watched them interact with one another the last two days I was in awe. Tears sprang to my eyes on several occasions.
Not because this guy is THE guy, but because it gave me hope.
Over the last few years I’d pretty much given up on ever having a “family” again. I didn’t think that a stranger could ever fill the empty space that has been left since my ex left; nor did I think they would ever want to – but as the three of us sat at the dinner table together Sunday night, laughing and joking and being goofballs, it became clear to me that all is not lost.
All men are not assholes.
I don’t ALWAYS need to keep a safe distance.
It’s OK to let some of them in.
And if there comes a time that I want to give up my single life for good and have a family again, I now know its a definite possibility.
Tonight I’ll be ringing in the New Year with an awesome guy, and at this very moment I seriously feel like the luckiest girl in the world – not because he’s my answer, but because without saying a word he gave me the answer to a question I’ve been silently asking myself for over three years.
Never give up.
Anything can happen.
Happy New Year XOXO
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1 comment
Amanda Jillian says:
January 13, 2013 at 8:58 PM (UTC -4 )
It’s good to know that you have realized to let someone in sometimes.