You might remember this post I wrote over the summer in which I decided to put on my big girl panties and seek therapy with the hopes of being less anxious and cray cray in romantic relationships, especially the one I was in at the time with Ben.
When I went in search of a therapist that my insurance would cover there were only two options in my immediate area. One was a dude and I really didn’t want to talk to a dude about my dude issues so I chose my second option – only I wasn’t able to get an appointment for almost three freaking months with her.
Waiting three months for a therapy appointment seemed absolutely insane at the time. Even Ben instructed me to, “(For the love of God)FIND ANOTHER THERAPIST!!” OK he didn’t say the God part, but I imagine it was exactly what was running through his mind.
I don’t blame him. If I had been dating me at the time I would’ve dreaded being in a relationship with neurotic me for three more months too.
It seems that three month waiting period was all part of the Universe’s grand plan to reserve therapy for a time when I would use it solely for me instead of in an effort to save a dying relationship.
My first appointment also came when I needed it most as I face an epic battle in Court in just two days – an EXTREMELY emotional thing for me.
As I sat in the waiting room this morning I worried I might not like my therapist, but it almost feels like she was made for me.
I mean she ensured me that I was only slightly neurotic, so she was A-OKAY in my book.
She was also impressed with how many issues I’ve already worked through on my own since becoming a single mom over four years ago. I guess most people start therapy with a whole pile of issues to work through, but I really only have one last hurdle to jump – albeit a large one.
Somewhere in my life something made me decide I was not worthy of a healthy relationship and that I don’t deserve unconditional romantic love, and so time and time again I enter into partnerships that are doomed to fail.
I don’t want to be stuck in this vicious cycle any longer. I don’t want ANYONE to be stuck in this type of cycle.
We all deserve better than that.
I may be starting therapy and doing all of this current work on me for me, but I’m also kind of doing it for you.
I want to come out of this a healthier woman, with insights I can share to help those of you that are currently stuck in the same vicious dead-end relationship cycle as me.
Happy 1st Day Of Therapy To Us!!!