When you’re in the midst of the emotional pain that comes after a breakup, it feels as if it will never end.
It’s so freaking hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even though most of us know the reality is it is there since we’ve traveled through the darkness alone and found it before.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been through several breakups in your lifetime – some more heartbreaking than others. You’ve probably even been the breaker-upper at least once too.
Let’s be honest -all breakups suck. But some are definitely easier to come back from.
If you asked my Mother she’d tell you how I’ve allowed heartbreak to swallow me whole in the past. It’s true there have been many times I’ve let romantic disappointments consume my days for far too long.
Before learning how to enjoy being single, if a relationship ended I felt like it was the end of the world. I didn’t know all the joys I could feel from the other kinds of love out there. It took several years of wandering alone for me to discover them.
If you look around you, you realize you receive different kinds of love every day from the most unexpected places.
When I went crying to my Mom a few weeks ago after Ben had broken up with me, she was quick to remind me that I’ve come too far to slip back into my old ways to let the disappointment I felt over us not working out consume me.
I knew she was more than right.
I’m not sure if it was because Ben and I weren’t together very long – though dating him for three months was quite an accomplishment for this lady after four years of being single – or if it was because it didn’t end because of lying and/or cheating like my previous relationships, but our breakup was a little easier for me to heal from.
The first week I grieved, and I grieved hard. He’d become a part of my heart during our relationship, and when he took that part away it hurt like hell.
In the midst of the grieving there was this internal struggle over whether I should really let him give up on us or not. I second guessed myself many times over that.
I’ve always been one to try to breathe life back into a relationship even when it’s long gone, but I’ve realized if the other person isn’t willing to throw in some air too, the resuscitation is only temporary since I’ll eventually run out of breath and I’ll still be left with a dead relationship.
I didn’t want to do that this time – so I came to terms with letting our relationship go and decided to take steps to move on the best ways I knew how.
I focused on my son. I focused on my job. I focused on my friends. I focused on my family. And most importantly I started taking time again to focus on me.
I sat and thought about the things that I’ve done over the last few years as a single woman that made me feel good, and after I made a list of them all, I put a plan into action to start doing them.
I started cooking again. I started running again. I started doing yoga again.
Focusing on the things I love, the people I love, and the things I love to do brought me joy – and without even realizing it that joy filled the empty spaces in my heart where Ben used to be.
My heart’s no longer broken.
Funny how that happens when you least expect it.