I’m a confident woman in most areas of my life.
This wasn’t always the case, but somewhere along my journey as a single mom I became self-reliant and realized my worth.
I’m pretty fucking amazing if you ask me.
I’m attractive. I’m assertive. I have a great sense of humor. I’m one of the kindest people you will ever meet. I’m down to earth. I have vision and the drive it takes to make my visions a reality. I live every day like it’s my last. I speak my mind unapologetically. I’m strong and resilient. I have a heart of gold and am more loyal than you could ever imagine. I’m honest. I’m passionate. I’m sexy. I’m intelligent. I’m sweet.
There’s no one else in the world like me.
I love every one of these things about myself and understand how unique and valuable they are.
So why is it that the moment I start to develop feelings for a man my confidence wanes?
I become this ridiculous, embarrassing, insecure version of myself, which then usually ends up completely turning off the man I’m pining for since that’s not what he was attracted to in the first place.
Or worse, I end up in a relationship with a narcissistic asshole. Because really, that’s the only kind of guy that wants to be in a relationship with an insecure woman. He likes knowing he will always be in control of her.
Maybe my insecurity in relationships stems from my very first heartbreak or the severe criticism in my last relationship. Maybe it goes deeper than that. I don’t know.
Regardless, it’s a part of me just like all of the things I love about myself.
Perhaps I should learn to love that part of myself too instead of constantly trying to hide it or fight it.
After all, I’m looking for the kind of man who loves all of me, including my insecurity, so I should too right?
If I’m lucky, someday I’ll meet a man who is secure enough to not use it against me, take my hand and help me work through it.