Raising a kid is no easy task, especially as a single mom. It’s even harder when you are trying to co-parent with someone who does not feel the need to consult with you before making important decisions that have to do with your child.
Last September I found out from my son that his father was in a relationship. I get that my ex is not required to inform me of such things as they are really none of my business anymore, but what should’ve been my business was when he chose to move this new girlfriend into his home only a month later to essentially raise my child the days he is not here with me.
I only found out about that when my son came to me filled with fear, thinking I was abandoning him since a new woman was now living with his father.
I’d think most courts would agree that the decision to add a “step mother” to a child’s life is something the biological mother should be informed of prior to it happening instead of being blindsided by something that changes a child’s life so completely.
Still there are some people out there, like my son’s father, who apparently disagree.
The other woman has been in my son’s life for almost a year and I’ve never met her. I’ve caught glimpses of her in the car when my ex has come to drop off or pick up our son, but we’ve never been properly introduced. I’ve kind of liked it that way given the circumstances of him allegedly cheating on me with her.
There was one time last Spring that my ex wanted to bring her to a picnic at my son’s school, but I just didn’t think it was the right type of situation for me to meet her. Perhaps it was selfish, but I didn’t want what was supposed to be a fun event for me ruined by having to sit next to the other woman on a picnic blanket for over an hour.
I’d always envisioned us meeting more privately, without my son around. I’d hoped that one day we’d all sit down and talk as adults so we could all be on the same page as to how Aidan is being raised, but my ex has proven time and time again that’s just not how he operates.
Today I received a text informing me that my ex will be bringing the other woman to the bus stop tomorrow for Aidan’s first day of second grade.
It wasn’t a “I know you’ve never met her and it may be a little awkward, but would you mind if I brought ____?” or a “I think it would be good for Aidan if I brought _____, is that OK with you?” kind of text.
No, it was a THIS-IS-WHATS-GOING-TO-HAPPEN-BECAUSE-I-SAID-SO text, which I’ve become accustomed to over the last few years.
While I appreciate the 16 hour advanced warning to put on my big girl panties, I still think it was a dick move.
Single parenting is one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding jobs there is.
My reward tomorrow will be the satisfaction I feel when I genuinely smile at my ex and the other woman at the bus stop with grace and dignity for my son, knowing that I’ve already accomplished more in the last year than they will accomplish together their entire lives.
This single mom is looking forward to it.
Related posts:
11 comments
1 ping
T says:
September 6, 2012 at 9:57 AM (UTC -4 )
Um…. yep.
My ex-husband remarried recently and I’ve been blogging about my own “new woman” challenges. Thankfully, my daughters seem to handle it just fine. Me, on the other hand….
Hang in there. Keep your chin up!
Susan says:
September 6, 2012 at 11:16 AM (UTC -4 )
I hope all went well today…. my daughter is receiving Confirmation and my ex wants to bring his new girlfriend…trying to take the high road & face that with a smile on my face……
It’s not easy
Carrie says:
September 6, 2012 at 1:16 PM (UTC -4 )
“I’ve already accomplished more in the last year than they will accomplish together their entire lives.”
Love it!! And exactly right. You are awesome.
Brooke says:
September 6, 2012 at 2:43 PM (UTC -4 )
I disagree with a lot of your posts surprisingly. I thought I would feel immediate camaraderie being that we’re in similar situations. But I feel the need to tell you to tone down the drama and grow up. I think you’re a hurting woman and have some issues with being a single parent and that you involve your feelings about your ex husband so much that it’s tarnishing what could be a very symbiotic relationship raising your child. It is unfortunate.
Brooke
Mely says:
September 6, 2012 at 2:50 PM (UTC -4 )
Hey Brooke,
I appreciate your opinion but you know nothing about my ex or the things he has put me through during our relationship or since. Frankly I feel like you’ve read none of my posts if you feel I’m a “hurting” woman or that I have issues with single parenting. Feel free to stop reading my blogs an visiting my site since you’re getting nothing from
It or them.
Good luck in your journey!
Diana says:
September 6, 2012 at 4:18 PM (UTC -4 )
So proud of you Melissa, I love and admire your grace and dignity even though he clearly does not deserve it. You are an amazing mother and anyone who has read this blog knows that. Keep smiling =) Diana
Amanda Jillian says:
September 6, 2012 at 9:37 PM (UTC -4 )
So proud of you, and yeah that’s kind of a bitch move on his part. Funny enough I actually get along better with my son’s wife than I did with him. Which is good since he’s on active duty and I have to deal with her so AJ can see his other little sister.
You will raise above it cause you are a fantastic woman that has accomplished so much!
Charlotte says:
September 8, 2012 at 9:05 AM (UTC -4 )
I don’t know which state you live in, but here in TN it’s included as a standard term of the permanent parenting plan that neither parent is allowed to have a member of the opposite sex spend the night in the house when the child is there. Might want to ask your attorney if there is anything you can do to stop the other woman spending so much time there. I hate “other woman” meetings too…they’re always awkward but I, like you, walk into them with a smile on my face and act all nice for the sake of my kids. Hope the meeting went well!
Alena says:
February 5, 2013 at 8:55 AM (UTC -4 )
I know this is an old post, but I totally get this. My ex started dating a girl about 2 months after our separation (I was 7 months pregnant at that point), they were married with in a month of our divorce. Because I live 9 hours away she hasn’t spent any time with his kids. And never even told me he got married. I found out through Facebook. I found out that my kids had a step-mother THROUGH FACEBOOK. A week later I called him out on it because he still hadnt said anything. I don’t get it, some guys. At least when they make asshole decisions it makes me realize THANK GOD I AM NOT WITH HIM!
toywithme says:
March 11, 2013 at 4:19 PM (UTC -4 )
Kudos to you for deciding to wear your big girl pants tomorrow. Not an easy thing to do. Proud of you mama!! I’ll be thinking of you. xoxo
toywithme says:
March 11, 2013 at 4:30 PM (UTC -4 )
I clearly missed the part about this being an old post – duh. I’ll still be thinking of you tomorrow – just because.
The Ugly Truth - Sex, Lies & Bacon » Sex, Lies & Bacon says:
September 7, 2012 at 9:38 AM (UTC -4 )
[...] « Meeting The Other Woman [...]