I don’t know which part of this post title is more shocking – the fact that this single mom just publicly declared someone her boyfriend after years of singledom or that I’ve admitted my boyfriend doesn’t love me and I’m completely okay with it.
I’ve tip-toed around the fact that I have a boyfriend for a few posts now, mostly because I wasn’t sure if it was acceptable for me to even call him that – but after 10 weeks of monogamously dating each other, I think it’s safe to refer to him as my boyfriend now.
I happily fall asleep in his arms every Monday night, and wake up next to him Tuesday mornings too. Mere words can’t express the feeling that gives me.
After falling for dicks my entire life, it’s amazing to be in a relationship with a REAL MAN that appreciates me, respects me and doesn’t take advantage of my feelings for him.
Things never felt this right with anyone else.
While I’ve fallen completely for this man (He’s fed me Chewy Chips Ahoy in bed for goodness sake, how could I not?!), he’s not at a point yet where he can say the same about me.
Don’t get all verklempt – it’s OK!
I can’t lie and say that it didn’t make me feel extremely insecure when I first realized he didn’t love me too. It freaked me the fuck out, made me want to run and brought several of my issues to the surface of our relationship – but so far we’ve worked through each of them together.
While he may not be able to say that he loves me right now, I don’t take that to mean he will never love me or that he is any less committed to the relationship we’re in.
There is this knowing in my heart that eventually his feelings will catch up with mine. I can’t explain how or why, but I have no doubts that they will.
They say when you meet the person you’re meant to be with you just know.
My knowing didn’t come the first time we met, or even the second or the third.
And it certainly wasn’t love at first sight like a fairytale or a movie.
It arrived somewhere during the ups and downs of our time together, when he didn’t walk away or call me crazy like the others did.
It’s his desire to stick around through the hard shit that lets me know his love is worth waiting for.
I read this quote recently about relationships that really spoke to me:
Couples that fail to harmonize amorously from the outset may not inspire romantic comedies, but they’re not necessarily less well suited to each other than those with tidier histories. It might just be that one person has some stuff to sort out.
My incredibly brave, selfless and amazing boyfriend served three years fighting for freedom in Iraq and Afghanistan. For several years he put his life on the line for others and it is one of the things I love most about him.
He has seen and done things that few men are strong enough to, but because of that he suffers from PTSD. He’s not angry or detached, nor does he suffer from every single symptom, but he is numb to feeling certain emotions – most importantly love.
This is not to say he doesn’t treat me like he loves me, because he makes me feel like he does every day with his actions. I would not stick around if I wasn’t getting what I need and deserve from our relationship.
I love myself too much to stay in a relationship that isn’t good for me.
It could take years for us to work through his issues in order for him to be able to tell me he loves me, but as long as we’re in this together I am willing to stand by his side.
My boyfriend doesn’t love me, and that’s ok.
Because someday I know that he will.