There are people out there that underestimate me because I’m a single mom. I feel sorry for those people because I am stronger, smarter and more resourceful than they will ever realize.
And at the end of every fight, no matter the outcome, I will always be the winner in my eyes because I live my life and raise my son in a way that I can be proud of.
I will always fight for what is best for him.
That’s the thing about being a mother. I have a connection with my son that no one else will ever have. I protected him for nine + months while he grew inside of me and I will protect him for the rest of his life.
There are times I’m terrified to do the things I need to do in order to protect my son.
Yesterday was one of them.
Still I pressed on because that is the kind of woman and single mom I am.
People near and far reached out to me and it made me remember why I started this blog in the first place…
I am never alone, despite my relationship status.
I went back and forth about writing the following here.
The truth is it could quite possibly be used against me in Court, but I want to share some details with you anyway. I refuse to live in fear or for anyone to take my livelihood away from me.
My journey as a single mom and as a blogger has taught me that I am meant to help other single women and single moms with my candor. There are women who have gone through, will go through or are going through what I am right now; who must also face some of their biggest fears in order to protect their children and they need to know they are not alone.
That is why I am sharing the following details.
Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life.
When I opened up my mailbox to find a letter from an attorney containing threats and demands from my ex regarding issues he has with our current custody arrangement and the care of our son I had a panic attack.
The letter came out of nowhere.
I literally began to hyperventilate and sob uncontrollably as I read it.
Yesterday brought back so many memories of the ways I’d been blindsided by my ex over the last three years and I felt completely overwhelmed by the idea that this is my reality.
Forever.
Getting a letter from a lawyer is some scary shit, especially when you are a single mom like me who does not have, nor can afford an attorney of your own to defend yourself. I live paycheck to paycheck to be able to raise my son alone. I don’t have a savings right now, and while that is not the best situation to be in it is how I live.
I have a budget. I stick to it. The bills are paid, there is food on the table and my son is taken care of. That is all that matters to me.
I have always been reasonable in providing access to my son as I believe it is important for Aidan to have both of his parents in his life. I’ve never made ridiculous demands of his father in regards to child support. In fact, I’ve been compassionate enough to wipe out past arrears before and even lower child support payments to give his father a fresh start, only to realize I was being taken advantage of when payments still weren’t made.
Yet I felt that the letter I received yesterday insinuated that I’m some sort of money-hungry, trashy, vindictive bitch who keeps my son away from his father…that I hoard all of the weekends with him selfishly and that he would be better off if time was taken away from me so he could spend more time with his father.
None of these things are true and anyone who reads this blog knows that.
50% of the demands in the letter were clearly not in my son’s best interest. They didn’t take in to consideration his education or the fact that drastically changing his current routine for the last three years or taking him away from his mother could damage him in many ways.
25% of the letter was an attempt to bully and/or scare me.
The scaring part worked, but only for a little awhile.
I’m lucky enough to have an amazing support system of people who truly care about my son, myself and our best interests. Some of them pointed me towards resources that could help me legally. Others commiserated with me, sharing their own stories of being blindsided with legal documents and court appearances, making me feel more sane. Some just let me know they were there for Aidan and I for whatever we need.
It’s hard to remain scared when you have an army behind you and that’s why I’m not anymore.
When I woke up today I was myself again.
Strong.
Courageous.
Ready for war.
I’m fighting this battle for my son.
I’m fighting this battle for every single mom that has ever been too scared to stand up for herself and/or her children.
I’m fighting this battle for me.
This one’s for all of us.
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11 comments
Stacy Dean says:
August 14, 2012 at 11:22 PM (UTC -4 )
I’m not hawking my blog, but I am pointing you to a story I wrote there called A Bloody Lip, which recounts the bullying I received in grade school and jr. high.
A bloody lip ended it.
I think it’s high time for someone else to get a bloody lip. If I can help you deliver it, it’d be my honor.
Carrie says:
August 14, 2012 at 11:51 PM (UTC -4 )
Thank you for writing this and thank you for your blog. I recently became a single mother after my ex decided he couldn’t be a father or a husband and left me to fend for myself with a 2 month old premature baby after an emergency c section. He’s emotionally abusive and manipulative, and that’s finally becoming clear to me now. I’ve been scared of him in the past and scared of him when it comes to the divorce proceedings. I’ve always been a doormat, but no more thanks to my baby. Thank you for reminding me to push through and do what I need to to protect my child. I truly appreciate all you’ve written. I found your blog soon after this mess started happening to me, and it’s been wonderful to have something to relate to and a place to find encouragement.
Major Bedhead says:
August 15, 2012 at 12:54 PM (UTC -4 )
Yay! Good for you. You’re a hot shit, Mely, and I believe you can stand up to your ex and his lawyer. I hope the resources you found will help you with this.
I’ve had the opposite problem. My ex doesn’t want to have much to do with our girls at all. He never calls them during the week and he only sees them every other weekend and has no problems cancelling even that. He thinks he’s a great dad, though.
Mrs. Jen B says:
August 15, 2012 at 2:09 PM (UTC -4 )
I can’t offer much other than prayers right now. I wish I could do more, because you and all the other single mothers deserve it. Fight on.
Melissa says:
August 15, 2012 at 10:41 PM (UTC -4 )
Stay strong! Fight for what’s right for you and Aidan. I have a friend going through a similar thing. Hang in there. Hugs!
Amanda Jillian says:
August 17, 2012 at 8:22 PM (UTC -4 )
You go momma! And don’t be scared, you are a great mom. You know what you have to do and will do it. You get shit done and that’s what I love about you.
Ann says:
August 19, 2012 at 6:02 AM (UTC -4 )
You have to hand it to single mothers, amazing effort
Tania says:
August 20, 2012 at 5:42 PM (UTC -4 )
Stay strong I’m rooting for you!! Us single mamas have to stick together
My ex is currently not actively involved on a consistent basis and I worry all the time that he’s going to all of a sudden out of nowhere decide he’s back and think he can swoop in and change things. I haven’t sorted things out legally just because I cant afford it right now but I really need to.
Ann says:
August 25, 2012 at 2:27 AM (UTC -4 )
Yes lawyers who needs them?
Tiffany says:
August 28, 2012 at 9:56 AM (UTC -4 )
I am new to your blog but this post resonated with me. I’m currently going through a divorce with a man who is bullying and threatening me in every way possible. He’s stolen from me since I filed and he’s threatening me on a daily basis when it comes to our kids. I do nothing but put my kids first and their best interests foremost yet he finds fault in everything I do. I sometimes wonder how I married a man capable of this. The worse part is, I’m sure he’ll “look” better in court because he isn’t emotional like me and he handles himself well in front of others. I wish you strength and luck because I know exactly what you’re going through and it’s what I fear my future will hold too.
Natasha says:
March 9, 2013 at 11:18 AM (UTC -4 )
All I can say is Wow! You are truly inspirational. Keep being strong and powerful and a force to be reckoned with for you and your child. I find myself being concerned about this same issue with my son’s father. I’ve been very fortunate to not have to deal with it; however, I do foresee it in my future. You have shown me that it will be alright, with a great support system and a strong mind, body, and spirit. This one is definitely for all of us!