This April will mark my five year anniversary as a single mom, and I’d like to think I’ve come a long way (baby) since I was first delivered the news that my ex was leaving me for another woman.
At the time it was devastating to hear. Honestly I didn’t even know how the hell my son and I were going to survive with me being solely responsible for the both of us.
I’d never even been solely responsible for myself!
Feeding us, clothing us, and keeping a roof over our heads all by my lonesome seemed an impossible feat – yet I’ve managed to learn how to do it and do it well.
Five years ago becoming a single mom felt like a curse, but life taught me that my ex’s unexpected exit from my life was the greatest gift the Universe could’ve ever given me.
The thing is before I had my son I went from long-term relationship to long-term relationship. Why? Because being alone scared the shit out of me.
But becoming a single mother was my divine intervention.
It saved me from the vicious cycle of unfulfilling relationships I repeatedly found myself in because it forced me to reevaluate what I wanted out of my life and what type of role model I wanted to be for my son.
While my ex’s priority at the time of our split was running into bed with another woman, my son’s well-being was mine – so instead of immediately looking for another relationship I faced my fears of loneliness and ventured on with my life solo.
My singleness was never a sign that I was still pining for my ex – it was a conscious choice I made to better the lives of myself and my son. Making our well-being more important than me getting laid or falling in love or lust was what felt right for me.
Five years later it still does -which is why I’ve remained single for the most part. Ok, I’ll be completely honest – there were a few months of my single mom life where I fell vagina first onto men as I was finding my way. Nobody’s perfect.
I’ve had a few almost relationships here and there, but nothing has really stuck, mostly because of my high standards (Which aren’t a bad thing, btw). I just know what I want out of a relationship and partner these days and I refuse to settle for anything or anyone that is less than I deserve.
I’ve felt pretty badass for conquering and enjoying my life as a single woman, but a few weeks ago I realized not everyone see’s my independence as something to be proud of.
There are still people in this world that think single somehow equals less than.
My ex is apparently one of them.
One of his arguments during the mediation process of our recent custody dispute was that I was fighting so diligently to keep custody of my son not because it was in his best interest but because, unlike my ex, I don’t have a significant other in my life.
And then my ex went on to elude that because I am single, my son is all that I have to live for and that my being alone is an indication that I haven’t moved on from what happened between us five years ago.
But nothing could be further from the truth.
Sure my ex has moved on to another relationship to no longer be single – but I’ve moved on in ways that have more value to me than a relationship status.
It’s in being a single mother and choosing to remain single unless I find a partner that is the right fit for me and my son that proves I have moved on.
I’ve moved on from being a scared and timid girl to being a completely independent, opinionated, and self sufficient woman.
I’ve moved on to love myself enough to not get into relationships with narcissistic assholes that try to control me.
I’ve moved on to become a woman and single mother my son can look up to, be proud of, and be inspired by for the rest of his life.
So yea, I’d say I’ve moved on.
I’ve also learned that your relationship status does not limit or define you. And I’ll never forget it.