«

»

Sep
09

Remembering Who I Am

I apologize, readers.

Because I feel as if I failed you somehow by getting a little too caught up in being in a relationship the last few months. I know better than most that a woman can’t and shouldn’t allow her life to revolve around a man, and yet somehow I started to allow mine to.

Sheeeeet, my last seven blog posts were ramblings about my boyfriend and being in a relationship, and I’ve always hated when a woman only talks about her boyfriend.

AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.

I’ve known for awhile that I don’t need a man in my life to be happy and that my relationship status does not limit or define me.

I’ve also known that I’m worth so much more than settling for a relationship that is less than I deserve, but I did settle in a way with my last one.

But as a good friend reminded me recently I’m a romantic, a dreamer and a healer… so I’m not going to fault myself for finding the courage to take the chance that led to me opening up my heart and falling, nor for trying to fix someone else’s jagged edges with the tools in my love box.

I learned valuable lessons in doing so.

Now that the dust from the breakup has started to settle, I’m beginning to remember who I am and all the things I used to love about being single.

For starters, not having to deal with the razor burn from shaving my nether region daily has been a plus. I totally plan on helping 70s bush make a comeback as the temps drop this Fall, by the way.

I’ve started running again, and am getting back into Bikram yoga-two things I used to love to do, that somehow fell to the wayside while I was juggling being a girlfriend and a single mom.

I’m more focused on my son and work again now that I’m not distracted by texts from my boyfriend or even worrying when he’s going to text me. Don’t worry I slapped myself across the face when I realized I became THAT WOMAN.

I’m setting new goals and chasing new dreams.

I’m getting my fabulously single mojo back.

I’m making plans and getting back into a routine that includes time with friends and family.

And some nights I’m sitting on my ass,watching reality TV and stuffing my face with a whole lot of shit I shouldn’t be eating, JUST BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN.

I’m going to enjoy flirting, my freedom, and work on myself for awhile before I even think about searching for my next big love.

But when my heart is healed and I’m finally ready to date again, I’m going to try this crazy thing where I only go out with men who are emotionally available. Now that my walls are down I don’t plan on putting them back up, and I want a man who is open to loving me without walls too.

I’d rather be single than beat my head and heart against another man’s walls in vain.

I’m too smart for that. I’m too awesome for that. I’ve built an incredible life for myself without that.

Most importantly, I deserve to be in a romantic relationship that is healthier than that.

And that’s the woman I am.

 

Share Button

Related posts:

  1. Why Forever Is Bullshit
  2. Leveling Up In Self-Love
  3. My Boyfriend Doesn’t Love Me, And That’s OK

5 comments

  1. Velv says:

    Feel like I’m reading my bio..or at least who I used to be. I’ve always been a fixer as well and always seemed to find fixer-upper men. Ain’t no one got time for that, sister. Believe it or not there are still men out there that don’t need fixing. Once I put my desire to fix/heal to rest, I attracted someone that didn’t need fixing..someone who had an awesome life like mine and was just missing someone to share it with. I hope you find the same as well! Hang in there!

  2. Amanda Jillian says:

    You go girl!

  3. Rachel says:

    Lord Jesus, it’s a fire! No apology needed! I have enjoyed reading and following along. You are so damn honest ans I find it inspiring. Everything we experience results in learning and I have found that the learning has been heightened since I became a single mom. You bacon loving man is out there and you will attract him when you put this true self out there and refuse to settle for one ounce less than what you are worth. And until he shows up, stuff your face and enjoy the crap out of being a single mom. I personally love it and am currently in a place where I feel like a man would be a hindrance and an annoyance. That’s how I know I’m not ready. And instead of feeling frantic about that, I feel at peace.:)

  4. Harriet says:

    Mely – I am a huge fan of you and your blog. I am a single woman after a divorce trying to learn single and fabulous instead of alone and incomplete. You give me courage. I am a writer, columnist and blogger and wait impatiently for your next email to arrive in my inbox. Life is about the ride, the journey and thank you for sharing yours. You are simply fabulous, girl.

    1. Mely says:

      Thank you for leaving this comment. I needed it more than you will ever know XO

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>