I apologize, readers.
Because I feel as if I failed you somehow by getting a little too caught up in being in a relationship the last few months. I know better than most that a woman can’t and shouldn’t allow her life to revolve around a man, and yet somehow I started to allow mine to.
Sheeeeet, my last seven blog posts were ramblings about my boyfriend and being in a relationship, and I’ve always hated when a woman only talks about her boyfriend.
AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
I’ve known for awhile that I don’t need a man in my life to be happy and that my relationship status does not limit or define me.
I’ve also known that I’m worth so much more than settling for a relationship that is less than I deserve, but I did settle in a way with my last one.
But as a good friend reminded me recently I’m a romantic, a dreamer and a healer… so I’m not going to fault myself for finding the courage to take the chance that led to me opening up my heart and falling, nor for trying to fix someone else’s jagged edges with the tools in my love box.
I learned valuable lessons in doing so.
Now that the dust from the breakup has started to settle, I’m beginning to remember who I am and all the things I used to love about being single.
For starters, not having to deal with the razor burn from shaving my nether region daily has been a plus. I totally plan on helping 70s bush make a comeback as the temps drop this Fall, by the way.
I’ve started running again, and am getting back into Bikram yoga-two things I used to love to do, that somehow fell to the wayside while I was juggling being a girlfriend and a single mom.
I’m more focused on my son and work again now that I’m not distracted by texts from my boyfriend or even worrying when he’s going to text me. Don’t worry I slapped myself across the face when I realized I became THAT WOMAN.
I’m setting new goals and chasing new dreams.
I’m getting my fabulously single mojo back.
I’m making plans and getting back into a routine that includes time with friends and family.
And some nights I’m sitting on my ass,watching reality TV and stuffing my face with a whole lot of shit I shouldn’t be eating, JUST BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN.
I’m going to enjoy flirting, my freedom, and work on myself for awhile before I even think about searching for my next big love.
But when my heart is healed and I’m finally ready to date again, I’m going to try this crazy thing where I only go out with men who are emotionally available. Now that my walls are down I don’t plan on putting them back up, and I want a man who is open to loving me without walls too.
I’d rather be single than beat my head and heart against another man’s walls in vain.
I’m too smart for that. I’m too awesome for that. I’ve built an incredible life for myself without that.
Most importantly, I deserve to be in a romantic relationship that is healthier than that.
And that’s the woman I am.