It was a great date. The kind you walk away from with hope and anticipation for a second. The conversation was easy, not to mention I found him ridiculously attractive – but I couldn’t really tell if he was feeling me as much as I was him.
He walked me to my car after. I had butterflies in my stomach over whether or not he would kiss me. I’d been on many dates prior where there’d been awkward pauses while I waited for men to make a move. Sometimes they did, and other times they didn’t.
This time was different.
He was completely confident and didn’t hesitate at all, which took me off guard. What surprised me even more was how amazing our first kiss was, even though he was virtually a stranger.
When he gently took my face in his hands and pulled me toward him, it honestly felt as if time stood still.
It was the most passionate kiss I’d ever experienced. It sent shivers down my spine and made my knees weak. Although there were people walking around us in the parking lot, it was one of the most intimate moments I’d ever shared with someone.
I could’ve stayed there all night getting lost in his kiss, but I didn’t want things to only be physical when my intuition told me the connection we made that night had the potential to be more.
We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now, and after having some serious conversations about my fear of commitment and my reservations about being anyone’s “girlfriend” too soon, for the first time in a long time I’m not anxious or restless about dating someone exclusively.
Maybe it’s because I’m not future tripping or letting my mind wander too much into memories of heartbreaks past. Or maybe it’s because this guy isn’t like any that I’ve dated before. Though my fear tried to find any reason at all to run while things were evolving, he only gave me more and more reasons to stay.
So here I am, embarking on another new journey.
I’m starting this relationship in the now, 100% authentically me – and because I am things feel different this time. Not in a “I’m sure this is forever and this guy is the one” way, but in a “I have zero doubts that this is the relationship I’m supposed to be in right now” way.
I’ve been rather quiet online about what’s been going on, which is a bit unlike me, but for some reason I don’t feel the need to share all the intimate details of my new relationship with the entire world this time. I don’t need people to like Facebook statuses about how I feel about him, favorite tweets about what we’re doing or to even like photos of us on Instagram to know that I’m making the right choice with him.
I probably wouldn’t have even shared this post here, but I wanted you all to understand why my posts have been few and far between these days and why I probably won’t be writing as much over the Summer.
Don’t worry, you can still catch my bi-weekly posts on dating & relationships for single parents over on Patti Knows.
I don’t want to be distracted while falling in love this time. I want to savor every moment and feel every feeling that comes up without running to a keyboard for someone else’s opinion or approval. And frankly, what is happening right now is something special that I’d like to have just between my new boyfriend and I – for a little while, at least.
I’ve given a lot of myself and my time here and across the internet the last few years because I’m often happiest when I’m helping other people. I’ve felt like it is my life’s purpose to inspire all the struggling single moms out there – even if my ways of doing so are often unconventional – but right now I’m going to be a little selfish and take some time for me.
I’m worth it. And love is too.