This is going to sound shallow, awful, despicable and rude… but I’m just going to say it.
I think the woman my ex left me for is ugly.
I know I’m probably going to get a ton of comments telling me I’m an asshole for saying so, but the ugly truth is I think most women compare themselves to the woman that their ex starts dating after they’ve broken up.
In my case I’m comparing myself to the woman my ex allegedly starting dating before we split.
There’s just something in the female psyche that all too often drives us to compare ourselves to other women, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I don’t think there is a woman out there who is completely immune to doing this.
You see your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend/ex-husband paying a little too much attention to another woman and wonder what she has that you do not. You immediately start comparing your weight, your breasts, your talents, your sexiness, your intellect, your wardrobe, your popularity and sometimes your whole life with this other woman.
What does she have that I don’t?
And even if you aren’t the one doing the comparing, chances are at some point in your life you’ve been the one who other women are comparing themselves to.
I’d spent almost a year driving myself crazy wondering what the other woman had that I did not, yet I was too afraid to actually face her to find out. Fear had stripped me of all my self-confidence when it came to her. It had convinced me I would not be able to handle meeting her face to face and that if I did I’d somehow lose my shit completely when I finally had physical proof that she was more of a woman than I was.
My ego was so bruised when my ex left me for her that it led me to believe her very existence somehow undermined mine.
She’s almost ten years younger than me so of course I thought she must be prettier, skinnier and sexier. I also thought she must be smarter and more talented than me. My ego insisted she looked like a model, had the voice of an angel, the intellect of Michelle Obama, and could walk on water like Jesus for my ex to choose her over staying with me and keeping our family in tact.
Yesterday I met the other woman, although met isn’t really the right word since my ex did not even have the guts to introduce me to her at the bus stop.
Yesterday I saw her for the very first time.
And guess what? I didn’t scream. I didn’t cry. I didn’t lose my shit.
I actually smiled. It was as if this huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders.
Facing the other woman finally gave me closure and set my mind free.
I’ll admit right now that before yesterday I’d been jealous of both of them.
Seeing her made realize the only thing she has that I don’t is a jerk for a boyfriend and seeing them together made me realize the only reason my ex has found love again and I have not is because he settled.
Yesterday made me remember what I really want and it’s not what the other women has, or seemed to have.
I’d rather go my whole life single than settle for another shitty relationship with a man who doesn’t deserve me.
My happily-ever-after is always right inside of me when I need it.
And that’s the beautiful truth.
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6 comments
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Melissa Velazquez says:
September 7, 2012 at 10:14 AM (UTC -4 )
You rock! Thanks for sharing your post..for a minute there I thought someone had found my diary lol From one Mel to another Mel, I can honestly say that sometimes the hero we are looking for is found in our own strengths and even weakness’!
Courtney says:
September 7, 2012 at 10:53 AM (UTC -4 )
Amen! Your experiences have mirrored mine so much, it’s almost like I have a double life. lol. Although, I haven’t ventured away from my parent’s place yet. I’m getting there. Keep it up girl. You will always be the upgrade.
Amanda Jillian says:
September 7, 2012 at 1:34 PM (UTC -4 )
Good for you sweetie!
Charlotte says:
September 8, 2012 at 9:12 AM (UTC -4 )
Wow! I’ve had the exact same feelings! I used to be upset that he’d found love and I hadn’t, like what was so wrong with me and so great about him that he deserved to be happy and I didn’t?! Then I realized exactly what you did…he settled for whatever came along and I didn’t because I knew I deserved so much more. I’m still single and happy and he’s still hopping from one relationship to the next…and I like it so much better that way
Terry (My Journey With Candida) says:
September 8, 2012 at 1:13 PM (UTC -4 )
Well good for you! She is probably jealous of you, you were first, she has your throw back!.
Not only is my exs wife ugly, she has a hard time being in the same room with me when we go to functions for my Daughter. She gets so nervous that she has to leave. Good riddance to both of them.
I have since moved on and have a wonderful guy that treats me like I want to be treated.
Melissa says:
September 10, 2012 at 9:12 AM (UTC -4 )
Mely, what an awesome read! She probably saw you and said to herself “damn, she’s pretty, what the hell does he see in me”. You deserve soooo much better than he ever was even when you thought things were good.
Embracing My Imperfections - Sex, Lies & Bacon » Sex, Lies & Bacon says:
November 2, 2012 at 7:51 PM (UTC -4 )
[...] I’ve been around the other woman twice now, yet my ex has never made the effort to formally introduce us. It makes anytime we’re around each other extremely awkward for me. [...]