This Is The Beginning

Submerge from hurt, pain, broken pieces
Emergency, heartbeat increases
Rise up lotus, rise, this is the beginning

Let’s face it. Saying goodbye to someone you care about sucks donkey balls. Whether it’s a lover or a friend. Whether you’re the one walking away or they are.

It hurts.

It can break you (or at least feel like it will).

But what I always try to remember is that the pain won’t last forever unless I let it.

And sometimes a real breakthrough can only arise from heartbreak.

Last week I had a day where it literally felt like I was drowning in my emotions over having to cut ties with someone I’ve grown to care about.

Ours was one of those cyclical relationships that ran its course a long time ago, but because I did not want to deal with the pain of saying goodbye for good, I stuck around.

For more than two years we were friends, then we were lovers, then we were friends again; but unfortunately my heart could not comprehend being “just friends” after I’d let him into some of my most vulnerable places. Even as friends, I yearned for him knowing full well we could never be.

I loved him in a way I had never loved a man before.

In a heated moment I severed our friendship and asked this person to never contact me again. Of course, when my heart began to ache I immediately regretted my decision.  I wanted to run to him and beg him to forgive me; tell him I was a fool and I’d changed my mind, but I didn’t.

The truth is, this is both the end and the beginning I’ve needed to become the woman I was meant to be.

So instead of retreating within myself or allowing myself to sink, I’m choosing to keep my head above water. And if you’re facing a similar situation, you should too.

Whether you’re flying solo, or holding someone’s hand, life is about beginning and then beginning again.

Rise up lotus, rise, this is the beginning

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