There’s a war raging behind the scenes of this blog that I’ve touched on briefly in my last few posts. Wednesday I thought it would be over, but instead reality smacked me in the face with the fact that the real war is just beginning.
I’m now facing a trial in a Court of law this December in order to prove my worth as a single mother and to defend my son’s best interests. I did not start this war and it is sad that it has come to this, but it is what it is.
To say that I’m emotionally drained right now would be an understatement, yet each day a superhero type strength washes over me when I need it most.
I have not crumbled. I have not lost my shit.
And even though people may be counting on it I won’t, because my son’s future is at stake.
This trial and war is not about me vs. my ex. At least not to me.
For me, it’s me vs. every circumstance that has been and is currently threatening to fuck up my child’s happiness, emotional well being, and growth into a fully functioning adult.
I am fighting for my son, not my ego.
It is my job as a parent to shield him from the evil & bullshit of the outside world while I raise him to be the type of man that will one day be strong enough to face it alone.
I don’t let my personal feelings about people, places, or things cloud my judgement about what is in his best interests. That is something I’m incredibly proud of.
When I go to trial in December and the last few years of my life are put under a microscope, I’m sure I will have to sit and listen to stories about times that I didn’t bring my A-game as a single mom. But ya know what? I’m okay with that because I know that 100% of every fucking day I am playing to the best of my ability with the cards I am dealt.
I’m not perfect, but I do my best.
Nothing about this trial will be easy.
Not for me. Not for my family. Not for my friends.
All of us now face getting up on a witness stand to testify on my and my son’s behalf. That alone is an incredibly stressful and scary thing.
But we’re standing together and finding strength in each other while the trial and tribulations linger.
I’m truly blessed to have an army of people behind me for support.
And my rockstar lawyer has been a shield through this entire process during the times I’ve needed protection.
I’m in control of my reactions today, and each day moving forward.
No amount of threats or bullying can take that away from me.
I choose to stay present instead of getting lost in the hurtful words of war, or the what ifs and should’ves.
There is a little boy that adores and deserves my positivity & light, and I will not fail him.
and for the moments I need something stronger than a smile to get me through, there’s this: