It occurred to me recently that I should date more men like my Father.
Men who don’t play games. Generous men. Honorable men. The kind of men who will go out of their way to help those in need, without ever expecting anything in return.
98% of the men I have dated in the past have been selfish assholes.
My Father is in no way, shape or form a selfish asshole.
He proved that to me last week during Hurricane Sandy.
My Mother and Father have been divorced for a long time. Over twenty-five years.
My Mother remarried, but my Father never did. In fact, he’s quite happy alone, living his life on his own terms.
Things weren’t always amicable between my parents. I can recall the tension and awkwardness I felt as a child whenever they were in close proximity of each other.
I often wonder if my son feels the same in regards to his Father and I.
But somewhere post divorce my two single parents learned how to respect one another again.
Over the years my Father started getting invitations to certain family functions at my Mother and Stepfather’s house as if he was part of our family; mostly events for me like birthdays, graduations, etc. — so I know my Mother extended those invitations for me and not her.
And when I moved back in with my Mother and Stepfather after my separation, my Father began coming around again for birthdays and holidays to spend time with Aidan and I.
I respect the hell out of my Mother for putting her own issues aside throughout my life and opening her home to my Father for my well being. She never had to.
As a form of gratitude I’ve tried to mirror those same actions the last few years with my ex for the good of our son.
During Hurricane Sandy my Mother’s house and my apartment (We literally live two blocks from each other) were both without power for almost a week. I made it three days without power and heat, but before Aidan returned from his Father’s I decided to seek refuge at my Dad’s– he had a generator running electric and his house was toasty warm.
He’d actually invited me to stay before the hurricane hit, but the feminist in me wanted to face the storm alone in my own apartment. I wanted to see what I was made of.
Apparently I only had three days worth of lady balls.
Words can’t describe the relief I felt the moment I stepped into his home after being without power or heat for days. To sleep in a warm bed and wake up to a freshly brewed cup of coffee are things I will never take for granted again, amongst so many other things I had to go without here in New Jersey after Hurricane Sandy.
My Father ran electric from his generator to three other homes on his street after the storm, never expecting anything in return from his neighbors.
That’s just the type of man he is.
And he became my own personal hero when he had me make the call to my Mother, offering her and my Stepfather a warm place to stay with us at his house until things got back to normal so they would no longer have to suffer without heat and electric of their own.
That was selfless.
That was honorable.
That is the kind of man I want to fall in love with the next time around.
And that’s why if you’re looking to date me, you better be a REAL man like my Father.