We’re Not Undesirable. We’re Single.

“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” - Sex and the City

Apparently some people didn’t get the memo that single is no longer an affliction; it’s fabulous.

Particularly a dating expert on Twitter, who decided to share these not-so-wise words with me because she claims to have “figured it all out after a lifetime of dating mistakes.”

“Why not figure out what makes you undesirable and grow with it?” she asked me.

Excuse me?!

I’m not single because I’m undesirable. I’m single because I choose to be.

Being single is my life choice after a lifetime of letting others choose my life for me.

It is not a label that means I am less of a woman. It’s a label that means I want MORE from a man.

There are men lined up, and probably some hiding in my bushes, to date me (or at least touch my bacon), so contrary to her assinine belief that I’m an undesirable because I’m single, I’m not.

And neither are you.

It didn’t surprise me when the same woman also tweeted this gem: “Got a date? STOP and read this before you screw up another relationship!…”

I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but this lady needs to shut her whore mouth. Why? Because she is shoving her outdated misconceptions and shitty opinions down the throats of  fragile women who are seeking guidance from her.

These women have probably had their hearts broken. These women are lonely. As if those two things don’t make them feel bad enough, now she is giving them advice that makes them feel like it’s their fault.

These women need a hero not a lecture. They need a role model who will empower them and teach them that they are not “screwing up” and that they are not “undesirable” just because they’ve ended up single.

Like me, they were probably just dating assholes.

And she’s not the only one giving shit-tastic advice. There are so many relationships “experts” and authors out there spewing crap to women that make them feel bad, advising them to fix or change themselves to land the man of their dreams and then they’ll be “happy.”

Today Jezebel wrote the following in regards to the book Why You’re Not Married . . . Yet: The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve and other books like it that make us both want to choke a bitch:

“We all want to work on bettering ourselves, but few of these books offer solace; instead, the reader gets shaming advice and tough love about how she is a crazed, angry, clingy (or too independent, get your story straight), desperate bitch who has to try harder. But these authors and their books are wrong. They are outdated and their advice works only to make a reader hate herself more if she takes heed.”

Click here to read the rest of Ten Very Good Reasons You Aren’t Married Yet

So here is my solemn vow as an author (yes I can call myself that now since I published my eBook*cough* BUY IT *cough*) and a completely awesome woman:

I will NEVER put you down for being single or give you shit-tastic advice that will make you feel bad about yourself.

I know what my purpose in life is. It’s to show every woman who is scared, depressed and feels broken like I once did, that she can pick up the pieces alone and live a fabulously empowered life with or without a man, and NEVER have to feel bad about it.

We’re not undesirable. We’re single.



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1 comment

  1. Jean Parks says:

    Somebody actually told you that you are “undesirable” in open stream? Words are falling me here…

    Mel, I’m happily married now, a fact I thank the goddess for daily but I’ve never assumed that my still single friends are anything less than the amazingly talented, witty, bright, good looking people they are.

    I don’t take kindly to people offering unsolicited advice as to how to run my marriage, I follow the same rule when it comes to my single friends & ASSume nothing about their single status!

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