I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.
Especially when it comes to getting random messages from men I dated in a former life.
So when I woke up this week to an unexpected message on Facebook from a man I had not spoken to in years, who I was also once engaged to, I was pretty hesitant to open it.
Don’t worry; he broke off our engagement over ten years ago, and had he not I never would’ve had my amazing son, so don’t cry for me Argentina!
His non-scandalous message was actually some great advice in response to one of my recent status updates regarding a co-parenting issue I’m having, which I’d thought I’d set so only friends could see.
But apparently by some stroke of what-the-fucking-fuck this particular status update was set to public — how the hell that even happened I have no idea. When my named popped up on another Facebook users wall as a friend and he felt compelled to check-up on me, that one status update could be seen on my wall despite my privacy settings.
The words he’d typed in the message didn’t necessarily grab my attention, but what did were the two blinding smiles in his Facebook profile picture.
It looked like one of those silly pictures you’d take in a photo booth at a wedding or on the boardwalk. There he was beaming, next to a beautiful woman who was equally beaming, and I immediately thought how I’d never once seen him smile like that in the seven years that we were together.
From that one picture I could clearly see that he was genuinely, over-the-moon happy. And obviously head-over-heels in love.
I waited for the jealousy to come as I stared in awe at him and his soulmate. He’d found the kind of love that I’ve never known so I should’ve been jealous, right?
Only I wasn’t.
Tears started to pool in my eyes, but it wasn’t because I was sad.
I was genuinely happy for him. And not only for him, but also for me.
Seeing that picture was all the proof I needed to know that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
I wasn’t meant to get married to him all those years ago.
I wasn’t meant to get married to my son’s father either.
And I certainly wasn’t meant to spend my life with any of the men I met before or after them.
How do I know? Because none of them ever smiled at me the way he did in that picture.
That picture renewed my hope after years of cynicism and heartache.
I’m not giving up on the idea that there’s a man out there waiting to spend the rest of his days beaming at and with me, with true love in his eyes.
I know our paths will cross someday.
Until they do, I’ll keep beaming with happiness all by myself.