I can remember my mom saying “relationships are hard work” when I came to her for advice while in the midst of a fight with my first serious boyfriend at the age of 18.
I always thought her idea that love took work was bullshit, but not now.
Now at the age of thirty-four, as I stand at another crossroads, I finally get it.
Over the last few years I’ve been waiting for love to strike me like a bolt of lightning.
That’s how it’s always happened before. I didn’t have to work for it – it just hit me when I least expected it with minimal effort.
But if I’m completely honest with myself I know most of my past partnerships weren’t fueled by real love at all.
Infatuation and lust usually steered me in the past – right into the murky waters of shitty, unfulfilling relationships.
Lust is effortless, but once it wears off you’re forced to face what’s left – and most times if you build the foundation of a relationship on it you find yourself standing in a pile of ruin with nothing at all.
I don’t want to end up there again.
Life has taught me that real, unconditional love doesn’t come wrapped up in a pretty little lightning bolt – especially when you’re searching for it after disappointments in dating have washed away most of the hopeful romantic in you.
At this stage of the game, it’s going to take working through my shit, and possibly helping someone else work through their own shit too, in order to find the kind of healthy relationship that I want.
The question is am I ready to work for love?
Yes, I finally am.